Damnation pt. 2
Going through hell everyday became kind of easy after a while, even though it felt like as if I'd been through it for a few eternities. The thought of revenge kept me going, and soon enough I didn't even scream when the baseball bat crushed my bones. I could tell that the demons got frustrated after a whole and hit harder, kept going for longer, but they barely got a wince from me. I didn't even bother to get out of bed, so not even finding me was fun. They didn't get a chase and that was really upsetting to them.
Apparently it was so upsetting I got paid a visit from the Devil himself; he had knocked the few times he came over, but not then. He let himself in and walked over to me with his arms folded on his chest. His expression was probably supposed to be concerned, but given that it was the Devil his evil shone through. "You lost your fighting spirit, Johnny?"
"No." I pulled myself up on my elbows and looked at him. "I'm just too busy for this fucking bullshit."
The Devil laughed. "You see, even Hell can get quite comfortable once you settle in."
Oh, you wish.
"Do you like games? I heard once that demons like games so I guessed they took something more than their hideous faces from their dad."
The Devil chuckled. "Sure, games are fun. Why do you ask?"
"Because I want to play a game with you."
"What kind of game?"
"You pick."
"I've always been a fan of hide and seek..." The Devil gazed into the nothingness that probably was his life until he remembered my existence again. "What do you want if you win?"
"I'd like to get out of here."
"If I win you're trapped here forever like you said you would."
"I never said that, but deal. So, uhm, I feel like this apartment isn't an ideal place to play, so how about -"
I didn't have time to finish my sentence before he snapped his fingers and a feeling of hot air flied past me and I felt dizzy so I grabbed the nearest thing. We seemed to have moved to somewhere god-knows-where, and I realized I was playing with the Devil. He would of course know his territory inside out; I didn't. I was screwed.
He snapped his fingers again and the demons that had been tormenting me showed up. They had evil grins on their faces, and the one with the baseball bat were gently hitting his own hand with it. He looked very badass and scary and I couldn't help that I gulped. My legs were turning into Jell-O. "Run, Johnny, or my boys will smash your head open again."
He didn't have to say that twice. I turned and ran, and not a single thought were in my head. It was a really bad time to be completely empty because I needed a plan - there must be something I could do to take that bastard down. I hadn't thought of it in the beginning but I couldn't beat Devil in Hell. Once again I had done something stupid and I kind of wished that someone really would bash my head open, just so I could die. Maybe it would be no big deal if I failed in the beginning.
"Get him, boys." The voice boomed loud and clear throughout the woods, and I knew it was to give me a heads up abou the fact that I was now officially chased. I could hear the demons maniac laughter somewhere behind me.
No. I'm not gonna fail because revenge is all I haven't lost.
I look around for something I could use as a weapon, and all I found was a stick about as thick as my arm. With a bit of luck it would work as a defense for a little while. There was also stones about the size of my fist. A plan started to form in my head. I took two rocks and climbed up a tree. Terror had a right grip around my throat and it was hard to breathe because I knew that it failed I was completely screwed.
I waited, and waited, and waited. Soon enough someone was walking below me. I couldn't really see that much, but I didn't hestitate. I dropped the rock and saw it smash into the demon's head, putting him down on the ground where he laid motionless. I didn’t breathe at all whilst I just waited for something to happen, like that he would rise and climb up to get me or that one of his companions would show up.
Nothing happened for quite some time, so I dared to crawl down the tree and sneak closer to the fallen demon. He didn’t look like a human at all, so I guessed it was true that demons had one shape and that they could switch into anything they wanted. He had looked so much like one of the guys that had actually barged into my apartment several years ago, but now he was even too hideous to describe. There was blood everywhere after the hit to his head, and I noticed that a baseball bat layed close to him. I guess he was the baseball-guy who always were the first one to hit me and always the last thing I saw before everything got dark.
“Karma’s a bitch”, I whispered as I grabbed the baseball bat carefully. He still didn’t more, so I dared to smack down my new weapon in his head just to hear the skull crunch under it. A small giggle escapes my lips as I kept hitting, and for every punch my giggles grew into a maniacal laughted that didn’t even sound like me. For a moment I just forgot that I was in the middle of a game with the Devil himself, because it felt so fucking good to just see the former head of the demon crash under my strength, give back some of the pain he’d given me the past few… what? Eternities? I didn’t even know anymore.
Of course my rather noisy existance for the moment attracted the rest of my playmates, but I was so into watching the gore splatter all over the place to even notice. I was captured, dragged back to the Devil who threw me back in my own hell. My gaze flew around the small apartment and a guttural scream left my lips. I had had a taste of insanity and now I knew I didn’t stand a fucking chance at all.
The only thing not disappearing from the apartment except for me was the drugs, and I felt something snap in my chest. The pile was getting so high some plastic bags were almost falling down on the floor. It didn’t take long to shove them all down on the floor, grab one of them and make a neat line of powder on the desk.
I could even find paradise in hell.
I had no idea how long I was just sitting there on the floor, feeling empty and smiling like as if I’d won the lottery, but no one showed up. Maybe that had been the goal the whole time, that I’d give in to the drugs and finally feel at home. Maybe there wasn’t any deeper meaning to torturing me day after day than actually just break me down completely.
Any normal person might ask themselves “why me?”, but not me. No. I finally felt like as if I could handle being in the really shitty and hopeless situation I’d found myself in ever since Claire was on her deathbed and I was terrified of losing her.
You were desperate enough to make a deal with the Devil just to keep her alive, even though she wasn’t really yours to keep and she was too good for someone like you.
I laughed a little. A picture of her was bouncing back and forth inside my kranium. Her eyes were like meled chocolate, her smile was a thousand fireworks setting off in my chest and her voice was like coming home. She was so beautiful it physically hurt, and I just wanted to bury my face in her hair and fall asleep in the red mess and hold her tight and never let go again.
Just as fast as the rush from the drugs hit me I started to cry. I missed her so, so much and I just wished that she would be mine again. That would never happen though, as I wasn’t sure I could get out of this place and she was definetly too good to end up in Hell. So I would never be around her again, and the thought ripped me apart completely.
I wasn’t one to cry very easily, and especially not when I was sad. Mostly I just turned the tears into gasoline to fuel the fire that was my anger, but I couldn’t anymore. I had tried but fire didn’t work in Hell. I hadn’t cried like I did then since I was a kid, and the noises even scared me. It didn’t sound like it came from me or like it was even human, but I couldn’t stop it. I screamed into my hands and if I had been stronger I would’ve pulled myself up on my feet and trash the whole apartment. There was one time I had actually done that out of fury and frustration, and I knew how that had ended.
The crying abruptely stopped and I looked up. It was too silent and my eyes started to tear up again but I didn’t give in to it. Not when there was so much better things to give in to.
A new idea started to form in my head, even though my whole body screamed at me to stop. It was the stupidest idea I had ever had and I knew that, but it was just impossible to resist.
Rockstars overdose all the fucking time so why can’t I have my seven minutes in the spotlight? It’s so fucking brighter than down here anyway.
I opened bag after bag, making new fine lines on the table. Blood dropped from my nose down on the desk and I could feel myself slowly slip away. I kept going until I finally felt how I couldn’t breathe anymore and passed out, all alone, on the exact spot this had happened one time before.
Next time I woke up, I noticed I wasn’t in the usual place. Everytime I had had a blackout since I entered Hell I had woken up in my old apartment, all alone except for all the drugs, so for a second I thought that maybe - just maybe - I had been let out. Maybe the Devil had had his fun with me and decided that it was enough.
But I couldn’t remember that I ever heard any agonized screams or feeling incredible heat radiating through my body in my world. I wanted to clasp my hands over my ears and just cover myself up from head to toes, but there was nothing to cover me up with. The ground under me was hard and it felt like as if I was lying on a huge rock and it was so fucking warm. Yet it didn’t feel like I was sweating at all.
What the fuck kind of place is this?
I sat up and groaned. There was a lot of pain in the back of my head, probably from when I had fallen down on the floor or something. That used to happen to me a lot when I had a bed that was too small for me; I’d always woken up with pains in my neck and hip like an old man. I was around eighteen so you can guess how fun it was to be me then.
It seemed like I was in some sort of cave with bars across the opening, like as if I was being inprisoned. That was sort of odd because that was something completely new. I had never been put behind bars before, even if I’d gotten the cops on me a few times. So of course seeing those bars were really confusing to me, especiallyn since it was so dark outside that I couldn't really see anything. There was noises that told me people were out there though, whispering, waiting.
Not being able to see them freaked me out, so I got up on my feet and walked over to the opening. The bars were burning hot so I flew backwards with a yelp and waved my hands around like a fucking idiot. A curtain was lifted and light streamed in, blinding me momentarily.
Demons were standing all around the cave - it looked like some sort of cave, carved out of a volcano because of the heat - holding objects looking like rocks. Not only did their looks scare the ever living crap out of me (imagine every characters from all the nightmares you've ever had and every horror movie you've ever seen put together, but a million times worse; that's what one demon's true form looks like), but the excitement that seemed to hoover like a mist all over the place.
Placed on a throne on a podium, the Devil looked down at me, his legs crossed and a snakelike tongue licking his lips, and he laughed. "Look who we've got here. Ladies and gentlemen - Johnny! He tried to quit on us."
Every demon in the room roared with laughter, and some of them actually fell over. If I hadn't been so terrified I probably would've been angry, hitting the bars, kicking and screaming. It wouldn't have mattered but that's how everything seemed at the moment anyway. I couldn't even kill myself properly, so why try more? This was my destiny - it sucked but hell, it was my fault and I guess I had had a pretty okay life at least.
I mean, I got to know an angel.
"What do we do with quitters?"
"Smash their bones!" they chanted back. "Eat their flesh! Break their ribs!"
"Go ahead then!"
I didn't realize I was the one who said that until it got quiet in the cave. I spread my arms and smiled, hoping that I looked somewhat taunting. "I dare you. Let the Devil himself throw the first rock. It's not like you can break me more than you already have anyway."
I had no idea what made me say it, as I had decided to just give up. But for some reason Claire's face were stuck in my head and I just felt some kind of urge to keep fighting for her. She had helped me fight of my own demons, so why not fight these as well? I could go through hell for her and I sure as hell could do it again, as long as it was for her.
The Devil laughed, sounding like a complete maniac, and he jumped down to the other side of the bars. He leaned forward to have his face in level with mine. I noticed that his eyes were burning with the flames of eternal pain and a part of me wondered what you would have to go through to actually become the Devil.
"Oh Johnny", he said in a voice so sweet it sent shivers through every part of my body. "You'd be surprised at how many ways it's possible for me to break you. You see, we've only just gotten started."
The Devil turned his back to me and snapped his fingers. "Break him, boys."
The bars disappeared, and my freedom was saluted with a rain of flaming rocks, each as big as my head.